School Life

Made a 27 on the ACT. You know what Bill made?! A freaking 33. But whatever. He has unfollowed me on Instagram. Dude is literally trying to cut me off but it's cool... it's not cool. Man fuck him. He will not ruin my senior year. 

 So hiiii guyssss... or no one. Haha no one reads these but whatever. I mainly do this for my future self anyway. So it's been a while. So Bill is still dating Jessie but it's cool. For a while, he had been acting like a massive asshole towards me again but he's cooled off. Oh yeah, he stopped doing streaks with me about 3 months ago. Then one month ago, he unadded me altogether. I was pissed at first but it's fine I guess. Jay and I are fairly chill. Uhm, we took the ACT for the first time the other day. I can't tell you how stressed out I am about that. Ever since we got our Pre-ACT scores back, and I made a 25, I've been super nervous. I know for a fact I completely bombed the Reading portion. Our proctor called 5 minutes left and I still had 12 questions left. I think I did fine on the other parts though. If I had to guess what score I made, I'd say I made anywhere from a 25-30. I have no idea when our scores will actually come in though. Not sure if I...

 Yo so Bill is dating Jessie again. Isn't that funny. Huh. I thought he would have learned his lesson after the first time but nope. I just hope they're together because he needs a prom date. I swear to god if this dude actually still likes her I don't know what I'll do. Also, remember when I told you guys how Bill came to me when his girlfriend broke up with him. Well, now he's saying he broke up with her. Soooo... that's interesting.

Haha haven't done this in like 2 months. Well let's see. For our new TSA club, we had our study halls switched so we could work on our project for competition. We haven't really done anything g yet except screw around, code, and play with this airplane simulator we got. The only real people I have to talk to in this club are Bill and my ex boyfriend. I forgot if I've ever mentioned my ex boyfriend before so I'll just make up a new name for him. We'll call him Jay. I'm fairly comfortable around Jay now but for a while the sight of him pissed me off. I was fairly hormonal for a little bit last year a whenever I was on my period I would just develop a new crush. Well Jay started being really nice to me and I could tell he liked me so after like 4 days of talking we started dating. Now homeboy moved a little fast. He told me he loved after like day 2 and that he wanted to go to college with me and shit. Now to my defense I thought we were just gonna be fucking a...

You know I've had crushes before but this one felt different. I could picture myself spending the rest of my life laughing with him. But no... he found someone else. And when I found out, I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Of rage. Of guilt. And uselessness. At first I thought this is just depression. But no, regular depression is somehow better than what I was feeling. With regular depression, you usually just feel empty. I wished I just felt empty. But instead it was like I was constantly having a panick attack and couldn't breathe. I felt like something significant in my life was missing and I needed to fix it. I felt like crying every time I saw something that reminded me of him. I cried because of an energy drink. I cried because of sun chips. I cried because of a deer I saw in the woods. I cried because of a pair of boots. I'm even crying now. Every morning when I woke up, for a split second I had forgotten everything bad and I was happy. But then I remembere...

Sorry I haven't posted lately... even though literally no one reads these post and I really just do this as a diary for myself. So to catch up, I have recently become vice-president of TSA which the Technology Student Association. Not to be confused with the security at the airport. My engineering teacher has also asked me to join HOSA again this year, which I said yes to even though I kind of hate it. Although, I did get to pick my own group this time. But anyway that's besides the point. So for the past month or two, I had been working on getting closer to Bill... and it's been working. I finally felt like we actually might be more than friends pretty soon. That was until my friends told me something tragic. APPARENTLY, THIS ONE BITCH IS PROBABLY DATING BILL. HOW I DID NOT HEAR ABOUT THIS ASTOUNDS ME. So after all this time he was actually getting closer to this band fuck. Sorry ìf that offends anybody but I'm just upset right now and I'm placing my anger in the w...

So today in engineering, I was sitting at my computer near these big tables and "xander", "robert", and "bill" were standing at the big tables talking and occasionally they'll say something funny that me and "gordan" will laugh at, and then xander all the sudden goes "I feel like bill and [My Name] would end up getting married" and I just pretended like I didn't hear it. But Bill didn't say a word like he didnt deny nor confirm anything, he just stood there. And Gordan and Robert are like "HAHAHAHA YEAH" and they're just all laughing while neither of us say a thing. I'm not sure what or if it means anything but I thought it was an interesting moment. I mean if he for sure didn't like me he would have said it right??

So he sent his streaks on snapchat and HE WAS WITH JESSIE IN HIS CAR!  I just I can't with these morons.

So I thought we were getting along great. We sat next to each other voluntarily 2 or 3 times but yesterday this cunt pissed me off so bad. We have this class together called D.E. or Digital Electronics. Well he finished breadboarding before I did because I just cant figure out what's wrong with mine. So yesterday I text him and say "*cough* you should like help me on Thursday with my board" and he said no. So I say "c'mon just for like 5 mintues pleaseee" and he says no. And I say "why nottt" and THIS MF JUST LEAVES ME ON OPEN. Now I usually would get mad about this. I mean if he doesn't want to help me that's fine. BUT I HELPED HIM SO MUCH LAST YEAR. WE MADE ELEVATORS AND HIS WOULDN'T GO UP, SO I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF COPYING MY CODE FILE ONTO MY FLASHDRIVE AND PUT IT ON HIS COMPUTER. AND SO HE TOOK MY CODE AND CHANGED IT A LITTLE TO MAKE SEEM MORE LIKE HIS, AND HE SOMEHOW FUCKED IT UP AGAIN. SO I TOLD HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG. I HELPED HIM...

 So I've been thinking about what could have happened between Bill and Jessie. I was assuming that Jessie broke up with Bill. BUT. I think I've had it all wrong. I think what most likely happened was Bill broke up with Jessie. Now I can't just go around making false claims without any backup evidence, right? So. Here is why I think Bill broke up Jessie. Whenever I was still friends with Jessie, she would date this one guy. Let's call him... Jay. Well every time Jay would break up with Jessie, she would find some other guy to make him jealous. This is the same way she has found a new guy to replace Bill now. Another reason is when I stopped being friends with her, she unadded me on snapchat first even though I wasn't going to. Well she unfollowed Bill on Instagram but Bill still follows her. Another reason, Bill deleted the post with her in it but she still has hers on her page. So what I think happened is he got sick of her shit and broke up with her. She got pissed...

So I've been thinking lately and I think I might want to be a software developer or computer programmer. I really like coding. I want to do something with technology. I love math. And most importantly I wouldn't have to talk to people on the daily. Talking to people is honestly tiring and frustrating. I can do it just fine, it just wears me down. So yeah my dream colleges would be Vanderbilt, Georgia Tech, or like Univesity of Florida, or something like that. And also, I won't admit this to anybody, but I really want to work for SpaceX. I would just really like to think apart of putting someone on Mars. And before you ask, I had a 98 in my AP physics class (the teacher said that's that's highest score he's ever had for that class) so ha.

So today I didn't go to school because my uncle died and I had to go to his funeral. I like to think of everyone at school as my people in my kingdom... more like I'm a dictator and I keep everyone in place. Yeah, I know what you're thinking "what the fuck, this girl is manipulative". Well to be honest every girl is manipulative whether you know it or not, they most definitely are. Only difference is, I'm open about it. BUT ANYWAY. So even though I don't want to admit it, I have feelings for Bill. Well today my friend Caroline sends me a snap of Bill and Jessie walking to lunch together. WHAT. THE. HELL. IM GONE FOR ONE DAY AND THEY'RE ACTING ALL BUDDY BUDDY AGAIN. I know I shouldn't be pissed. I'm just mad that I've been waiting for what seemed like forever for them to break up, but now they're being friends. What worries me the most is that the new guy Jessie is dating might be just a ploy to get Bill back together with her. Their rel...

So this girl and I are always competing for first in our class. She's the type of girl to get whatever she wants. To be quite frank, I'm not all that sure why. She's not rich and her family went bankrupt a few years back. She's a jerk to everyone and thinks she can get away with anything. Well as of a year ago, people started realizing this and hate her now. So yesterday, everyone in my history class starts talking about how smart I am and them they tell me I how they hope I get valedictorian. Idk it just really made my day. What really gets me is the fact that this has happened to me twice now. Where my class says they hate her and like me. Haha payback's a a bitch.

So over the course of Jessie and Bill dating, Bill started to be a complete jerk to me. And honeslty im just hanging on to see how this rides out. So now it's summer time. I get haven't bothered talking to Bill all summer bc I am not getting some rude ass text from Jessie and I do not want to deal with that bs. So I get this random ass text from Bill... "Do you like Me?"  and I say "no, I'm not really into guys who are constantly jerks to me" and he says "is that the only reason" and I say "well I mean if you really want me to name off every reason I don't like you like that, I very well can". Idk at that point I was tired off all the games and tbh I assumed it was really Jessie texting me. But to my surprise it was not. The next day Ashley texts me and basically tells me that last night Bill randomly asked Jessie if she thinks I liked him. SOOOOOO IM NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS BUT HE WAS THINKING ABOUT ME. Any way so now summer is ...

So him (for the remainder of the story I'll call him Bill) and Jessie are dating right. Well I start to learn quickly, Jessie is an extremely jealous person. Everyday she accused Bill of cheating and comparing him to her ex. So every single day, every single minute he's just constantly trying to explain to her that he loves her and all this shit. Well she doesn't care for it. She accuses me, my friend who happens to be from Italy, and a few other girls in my class of flirting with him. So one day im texting Ashley. (Ashley and Jessie are in the same class and some what friends). I had just given Bill 50 dollars for a deal I made with him. Apparently word travels quickly because within a minute, Ashley is texting me, " I heard you paid Bill 50 dollars". And im like "yeah haha howd you know, tha5 was like a mintute or two ago" well her next text is kinda sus. She doesnt answer my question and she starts talking like how jessie used to talk to me. So i know...

If you've read my other posts, you'd know I get attached to guys easily. Well there's this one guy that I always seem to fall back on. In the beginning of tenth grade I really and truly only saw him as my best friend. But our teacher kept assuming that we were dating and we never really said anything about it so finally it got me thinking, "do I like him?" I tried denying it for a little bit. But in the end he had a girlfriend and it wasn't healthy for me to have a crush on him but that thinking didn't help me any so I continue to like him. Well one day he's talking to some kid and happens to be standing by my locker and so I say "what's up" and he says "nothing much". Then whoever he was talking to leaves and he waits on me. At the time I just assumed it was because we had the same next class. But on the way he makes a racist joke towards our chinese friend and I laugh at it and say "thats the funniest thing all year"...

JESSIE. I stg I hate her again. She works at taco bell now. So my dad went to pick my mom up some food and made light conversation with her. WELLLLL.... this mf decides to text me on Instagram and say that her and my dad talked quite a bit. Well I ask my dad about it and no such thing happened. The most he said was "Can I get a chalupa". Well I decide to be nice to her and make small talk and then just ended up liking her message to end the conversation. Well the next day she texts me again and says some guys are following her. No tf they're not. If they were, you'd call the mf police not someone who hasn't talked to you in almost 2 years. But whatever:)

 So to set the scene I'll give you some background information. This past school year, I was determined to be more outgoing. I'm typically the shy smart kid that gets really annoyed with other people. Its exhausting af talking to people so I just don't. But this year was different. I was going to try and talk to people and make friends. So by October I was successful. I had made plenty of new friends and I was more outgoing than I could have imagined. You see, during quarantine I had plenty of time to work on myself and by the end of it I was like "EVERYONE SHOULD BE FRIENDS WITH ME, I HAVE A NICE ASS PERSONALITY AND IM FUNNY AS HELL". So I go to school and I talk to everyone in all my classes. Except 8th period. I'm not sure why I didn't talk to more people in there. I guess it was bc all the kids in there were upperclassmen and theres something intimidating about them. I know they're just a year or two older but that shit matters when you're a ki...

(Please Excuse the Typical White Girl Names haha) So last year I had this friend group and for privacy I'll just change their names. My best friend in the group's name was Jessie. The other two girls in the group were Ashley and Caroline. Well Ashley and Caroline didn't like Jessie and to be honest I was starting to get that way too. At the same time this was happening, we were starting to not like Ashley because she kept claiming we were her best friends but she would always choose these other people over us and only ever talked about her own problems. The only reason Jessie was still in our friend group was because she was my best friend that I told everything to. But after some thinking I decided that her and me shouldn't be friends anymore because I didn't like how she made me feel like my opinions didn't matter and she had lied to me and Ashley about something major regarding Caroline. So she said she understood and so it was just me, Ashley, and Caroline l...

 Don't you just hate it when you're in 10th grade but theres this guy you like that's a senior and he's gonna be going off to college soon, so it's really not worth talking to him if it's just gonna be for a few months and then heart break. BUT AT THE SAME TIME he's really smart, cute in his own way, considerate, and REALLY funny. I really hope this crush goes away soon because I'm on my period and I'm hoping this is just the hormones.