Heart Break

You know I've had crushes before but this one felt different. I could picture myself spending the rest of my life laughing with him. But no... he found someone else. And when I found out, I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Of rage. Of guilt. And uselessness. At first I thought this is just depression. But no, regular depression is somehow better than what I was feeling. With regular depression, you usually just feel empty. I wished I just felt empty. But instead it was like I was constantly having a panick attack and couldn't breathe. I felt like something significant in my life was missing and I needed to fix it. I felt like crying every time I saw something that reminded me of him. I cried because of an energy drink. I cried because of sun chips. I cried because of a deer I saw in the woods. I cried because of a pair of boots. I'm even crying now. Every morning when I woke up, for a split second I had forgotten everything bad and I was happy. But then I remembered. I remembered how miserable I was. I remembered how I had lost a peice of myself. But throughout the day I try to tell myself, "I'll get over it," or "In a hundred years it won't matter." But the truth is I'll never forget. The pain will always be there, it will just lessen over time. Or at least I hope.