School Life

You know I've had crushes before but this one felt different. I could picture myself spending the rest of my life laughing with him. But no... he found someone else. And when I found out, I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Of rage. Of guilt. And uselessness. At first I thought this is just depression. But no, regular depression is somehow better than what I was feeling. With regular depression, you usually just feel empty. I wished I just felt empty. But instead it was like I was constantly having a panick attack and couldn't breathe. I felt like something significant in my life was missing and I needed to fix it. I felt like crying every time I saw something that reminded me of him. I cried because of an energy drink. I cried because of sun chips. I cried because of a deer I saw in the woods. I cried because of a pair of boots. I'm even crying now. Every morning when I woke up, for a split second I had forgotten everything bad and I was happy. But then I remembere...

Sorry I haven't posted lately... even though literally no one reads these post and I really just do this as a diary for myself. So to catch up, I have recently become vice-president of TSA which the Technology Student Association. Not to be confused with the security at the airport. My engineering teacher has also asked me to join HOSA again this year, which I said yes to even though I kind of hate it. Although, I did get to pick my own group this time. But anyway that's besides the point. So for the past month or two, I had been working on getting closer to Bill... and it's been working. I finally felt like we actually might be more than friends pretty soon. That was until my friends told me something tragic. APPARENTLY, THIS ONE BITCH IS PROBABLY DATING BILL. HOW I DID NOT HEAR ABOUT THIS ASTOUNDS ME. So after all this time he was actually getting closer to this band fuck. Sorry ìf that offends anybody but I'm just upset right now and I'm placing my anger in the w...

So today in engineering, I was sitting at my computer near these big tables and "xander", "robert", and "bill" were standing at the big tables talking and occasionally they'll say something funny that me and "gordan" will laugh at, and then xander all the sudden goes "I feel like bill and [My Name] would end up getting married" and I just pretended like I didn't hear it. But Bill didn't say a word like he didnt deny nor confirm anything, he just stood there. And Gordan and Robert are like "HAHAHAHA YEAH" and they're just all laughing while neither of us say a thing. I'm not sure what or if it means anything but I thought it was an interesting moment. I mean if he for sure didn't like me he would have said it right??

So he sent his streaks on snapchat and HE WAS WITH JESSIE IN HIS CAR!  I just I can't with these morons.

So I thought we were getting along great. We sat next to each other voluntarily 2 or 3 times but yesterday this cunt pissed me off so bad. We have this class together called D.E. or Digital Electronics. Well he finished breadboarding before I did because I just cant figure out what's wrong with mine. So yesterday I text him and say "*cough* you should like help me on Thursday with my board" and he said no. So I say "c'mon just for like 5 mintues pleaseee" and he says no. And I say "why nottt" and THIS MF JUST LEAVES ME ON OPEN. Now I usually would get mad about this. I mean if he doesn't want to help me that's fine. BUT I HELPED HIM SO MUCH LAST YEAR. WE MADE ELEVATORS AND HIS WOULDN'T GO UP, SO I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF COPYING MY CODE FILE ONTO MY FLASHDRIVE AND PUT IT ON HIS COMPUTER. AND SO HE TOOK MY CODE AND CHANGED IT A LITTLE TO MAKE SEEM MORE LIKE HIS, AND HE SOMEHOW FUCKED IT UP AGAIN. SO I TOLD HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG. I HELPED HIM...

 So I've been thinking about what could have happened between Bill and Jessie. I was assuming that Jessie broke up with Bill. BUT. I think I've had it all wrong. I think what most likely happened was Bill broke up with Jessie. Now I can't just go around making false claims without any backup evidence, right? So. Here is why I think Bill broke up Jessie. Whenever I was still friends with Jessie, she would date this one guy. Let's call him... Jay. Well every time Jay would break up with Jessie, she would find some other guy to make him jealous. This is the same way she has found a new guy to replace Bill now. Another reason is when I stopped being friends with her, she unadded me on snapchat first even though I wasn't going to. Well she unfollowed Bill on Instagram but Bill still follows her. Another reason, Bill deleted the post with her in it but she still has hers on her page. So what I think happened is he got sick of her shit and broke up with her. She got pissed...

So I've been thinking lately and I think I might want to be a software developer or computer programmer. I really like coding. I want to do something with technology. I love math. And most importantly I wouldn't have to talk to people on the daily. Talking to people is honestly tiring and frustrating. I can do it just fine, it just wears me down. So yeah my dream colleges would be Vanderbilt, Georgia Tech, or like Univesity of Florida, or something like that. And also, I won't admit this to anybody, but I really want to work for SpaceX. I would just really like to think apart of putting someone on Mars. And before you ask, I had a 98 in my AP physics class (the teacher said that's that's highest score he's ever had for that class) so ha.